It’s Valentine’s Day. Well barely, still. It’s 11:35pm on valentines and of no fault but my own i sit in the dark, my laptop playing some obscure Netflix original I’ve seen too many time, more times than the years it has been out.. but i digress.
It took an exciting jumps. A wonderful ontrought of news. A bring about of momentary happiness. And a saddened realization of the fruition of my greatest fear.
I am living in my fear. Paused.
I’ve spent the greater portion of the last year in a slump. You didn’t read that wrong a year, twelve calendar months of my life, minimally accounted for and it took an outpouring of love from an old friend and a reconnection with an old lover for me to realize this.
Love came and went as it pleased.
Wanting not to do with me but what it could get from me.
And i gave it my all
Like it was something i could be proud of
Something i could finally show for myself
Love killed my spririt
Love showered me in sorrow and self acceptance
And love left.. moved hours in the wrong direction
Love offered advice when i was too proud to ask,
Provided support when i felt alone,
Company in the darkest of rooms,
& hope in a world of hate
Love taught me black love meant more
Than just being black and in love
Love taught me, me,
In my own existence was my mothers greatest creation, Black love
Love taught me
But i struggled to understand..
to comprehend
It took an exciting jumps. A wonderful ontrought of news. A bring about of momentary happiness. And a saddened realization of the fruition of my greatest fear.
I am living in my fear. Paused.
I’ve spent the greater portion of the last year in a slump. You didn’t read that wrong a year, twelve calendar months of my life, minimally accounted for and it took an outpouring of love from an old friend and a reconnection with an old lover for me to realize this.
Love came and went as it pleased.
Wanting not to do with me but what it could get from me.
And i gave it my all
Like it was something i could be proud of
Something i could finally show for myself
Love killed my spririt
Love showered me in sorrow and self acceptance
And love left.. moved hours in the wrong direction
Love offered advice when i was too proud to ask,
Provided support when i felt alone,
Company in the darkest of rooms,
& hope in a world of hate
Love taught me black love meant more
Than just being black and in love
Love taught me, me,
In my own existence was my mothers greatest creation, Black love
Love taught me
But i struggled to understand..
to comprehend
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